Engagement

Excerpt From Mary's Journal
Monday, October 29, 2012

It’s been such an exciting day, filled with emotions I cannot express in many words. Lucas officially proposed yesterday! I was so excited that after being together for so long, we’re finally going to be sealed for eternity and have that assurance that we have one another no matter what.

Before this event, He had said many times that he did want to get married and he’d assured me that he loved me, but it seemed like he was still uncertain whether or not he wanted to marry me. I had decided nearly a year ago that I wanted to do whatever it takes to catch him. It wasn’t until May that I felt really confident that I wanted to marry him. I had made a special effort over that time not to push marriage too much so that he could come to that conclusion without the pressure of my desires. It became very frustrating at times, especially as we learned about each other and grew closer together because it was during those times that I wanted to be with him the most, but he still had hesitations.

Two weeks ago from yesterday, I was crying on the couch of my apartment because I didn’t understand why Lucas didn’t want to get married. Trying to express my frustrations, I told him I thought he was all talk. It hurt to hear that he wanted to marry me and not to see any action go forth. Especially when he acted apathetic about engagement and marriage. He told me on that couch that he loved me and he really did want to be with me and he slipped the beautiful little ring onto my finger. I was so happy! All I could do was cry some more. It was a complete shift from being extremely frustrated to being very happy.

We talked for a few minutes and I asked him all about how long ago he’d decided and how long he’d had the ring. To my surprise, he had bought the ring in Turkey in July! The next month, he and a jeweler tricked me into getting my ring resized. I totally bought into the act that the two of them put on. I thought the jeweler was being a pushy salesman and Lucas was totally uncomfortable with the situation as this man told us all about his jewelry and got my ring size. I remember him turning to Lucas and teasingly saying, “Now, you remember her ring size for when you buy her a ring. You’ll need to know.” Little did I know that Lucas had this guy size the ring and check whether or not it was real.

Almost a month later, Lucas and I took a road trip to Reno, Nevada/Lake Tahoe, California to visit our friends, Phelipe Silva and Lauren Richardson. It was during this time that we talked and discussed getting married over Thanksgiving Break. Nothing happened that week and I was frustrated and seriously debating whether or not I should break it off. I knew that if nothing ever happened, I would eventually have to break it off and move on with life. Maybe it was time to move on. Lucas could feel that I was debating this. I was gradually withdrawing my heart so that the break up wouldn’t be so painful. Realizing that he would lose me if he didn’t act, he finally talked to my dad. I was so happy to know that he was serious, but he had to drop me off at school for Fall semester the next day.
I patiently waited for that moment where he would finally propose. I didn’t realize I had messed up the proposal a couple times during that time. Over conference weekend he wanted to take me out to dinner in SLC and take me on a nice walk, but I ended up doing homework until it was much later than expected. The next day, he was going to propose in a park near temple square but just before he got down on one knee I commented on how the pond was kind of ugly. Then, we ran into Clint at temple square and spent the remainder of that session of conference with him.
After he proposed on that couch in the apartment, I thought about how everyone will ask how he proposed and I’ll have to tell them I was bawling on a couch and he pulled out the ring to make me stop crying. So, I told this to Lucas and asked him to take me out to dinner that week and just do something cute and little. He did take me out to dinner, but he didn’t re-propose. I tried to be patient.

On Saturday of this past week, I got on his computer to check something and I noticed a window that he had open was labeled, “Mary’s Song.” Out of curiosity, I clicked on it and read through it. It was so sweet and it brought me to tears. He said later that day that he could not decide how to propose. He had this beautiful, sweet song that he had written and he still couldn’t decide. So, I skipped my ex-boyfriend’s farewell and told Lucas that we needed to find an excuse for him to propose. I suggested climbing a tree by emerald lake that we had climbed when we first started dating.

Lucas took me on a drive and he took me to Granny’s Pad, where we had first kissed. It was a little chilly and didn’t smell so hot, so we just sat in that same special spot to talk and reminisce. We then drove to emerald lake and climbed a tree and I scraped my knee climbing and got frustrated that the boots I was wearing were too big and proceeded to climb barefoot. With the loud interstate nearby, we didn’t spend very long there before we climbed down. Finally, we took a nice walk in the Heyburn riverside park. The fallen leaves were beautiful and the golden glow of the sun reflecting off the river was beautiful. We had spent many hours in that park when we first met and throughout our courtship we had gone bike riding, rollerblading, and even walked that path in the middle of winter with our big winter coats. And our courtship had begun on the river during wakeboarding activities with friends.

Sitting on a bench in the park, we chatted about what we wanted for our futures and shared our dreams and desires with one another. It was during that moment that he pulled out the beautiful ring again and asked me to marry him. Even though we had already gone through it once, I was still brought to tears. I hugged him for a long while before he asked if I wanted him to wear the ring. I had left it in his hand. I asked him if he wanted to wear it, but he refused.

He was nearly ready to go when I decided that I wanted to tell him something special. I shared that experience where I had felt and decided to marry Lucas. Then had prayed to my Heavenly Father. This experience was nearly a year ago, but I would reflect on it often when the fire burned dim. Sharing this experience brought back the tears and I could see his eyes water too. I was so glad to see that my experience had touched him like it had touched me.

I am so grateful for God’s hand in my life in bringing us together. There is no way we could have possibly supposed that the decisions we have made would guide us to be in the right place to meet each other and merge our lives together. I’m so grateful! The day Lucas returned from Turkey, the 1st proposal on the couch, and the 2nd proposal in the park are some of the happiest days I have ever had in my life. I have grown to love and admire this man so much. I look forward to sharing my life with him. I believe that we will have so many happy days together that I won’t be able to count them.

I love you, Lucas and I look forward to spending my life with you!

-Mary