Are We Compatible?

It is fun to get to know each other better. We have been married now for a little over two months, and have loved every second.  Our time together has increased, and we found that we have differences. Nonetheless, we have similar fundamental goals, ideals, and values as found in The Proclamation of the Family. We also took a couple personality tests and learned new things. From there, we went wild and became obsessed with these tests so we studied out and took many more. Enjoy our unique compatibility findings below. We encourage you to do these tests on your next date with your significant other.

Love Languages

Individuals express their love in different ways. The 5 love languages help described these differences below:
Words of Affirmation – Individuals greatly appreciate hearing compliments and encouraging words.  They feel loved through what they hear and are pushed away by harsh criticisms.
Quality Time – Individuals prefer undivided attention and plenty of time with their loved ones.  They feel loved when they have lots of time invested in them, but for people with this love language, absence certainly doesn’t make the heart grow fonder.
Receiving Gifts – Individuals appreciate receiving presents and the thoughts behind them.  They feel loved when they are given gifts spontaneously and are greatly offended when special occasions are forgotten or a thoughtless gift is given.
Acts of Service – Individuals prefer their loved ones to perform meaningful and thoughtful acts.  It could be as simple as washing the dishes or mowing the lawn, but they appreciate it and feel valued by such deeds.  However, they feel unappreciated when they work on a task while their partner just watches without offering to help.
Physical Touch – Individuals greatly appreciate simple gestures like holding hands, hugs or a touch on the arm.  It’s not just about sex, it’s about knowing that you’re there and that you love them.  An absence of physical contact has the potential to significantly damage relationships with people who have this love language.
Click here to take this test

We took the Love Language personality test while we were engaged. At that time Lucas' results expressed a greater need for physical touch, and I did not need gifts. Today we retook it, and Lucas now needs service (apparently he got a little more physical touch after being married), but I still have a dominant need for words of affirmation. 

Our biggest discrepancies are acts of service and gifts. Lucas' intense need for service is probably a result of the time I spend at school. I rarely am home without homework so that I can take the time to make him a nice dinner. Instead, dinners are usually rushed so I can get back to studying. Poor boy!

I spent the day before Valentine's Day watching a handful of girls walking across campus with flowers. I secretly hoped that Lucas would do something like that for me, but decided that was the last thing on his mind. So, I took a couple dollars and bought myself a few plants that were on sale. I was a little bummed when I didn't receive a gift for Valentine's Day, and thus we have my new desire for gifts. All of these expressions of love are important and fluctuate with our needs.

Color Code Personality Type - Dr. Hartman

The Color Code Personality Test identifies what motivates an individual.

Red are the power wielders. Power: the ability to move from point A to point B and get things done, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of vision and leadership and generally are responsible, decisive, proactive and assertive.
Blue are the do-gooders. Intimacy: connecting, creating quality relationships and having purpose, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of quality and service and are generally loyal, sincere, and thoughtful.
White are the peacekeepers. Peace: the ability to stay calm and balanced even in the midst of conflict, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of clarity and tolerance and are generally kind, adaptable, and good-listeners.
Yellow are the fun lovers. Fun: the joy of living life in the moment, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of enthusiasm and optimism and are generally charismatic, spontaneous, and sociable.

We took this test from a book titled, The Color Code.

 

The findings call our dominant relationship combination "Red-Red Fireworks". Red-Red relationships are typically the most dynamic of all the color connections. YIKES! What does Dynamic mean? This could either mean heated arguments or high productivity. We also read that Red-Red combinations are not generally well represented in marital relationships. Nonetheless, our combinations (red-blue and red-yellow) help balance us out and prevent those dynamic disagreements. (We haven't really had any yet)
Despite the negative, we also learned that competitive natures can be very positive in the spirit of cooperation. Coming from large families where red personalities are normal, we are becoming more comfortable with this.

Type A vs Type B personalities 

Type A- The Type A personality generally lives at a higher stress level. This is driven by the following traits:

• They enjoy achievement of goals, with greater enjoyment in achieving of more difficult goals. They are thus constantly working hard to achieve these.

• They find it difficult to stop, even when they have achieved goals.

• They feel the pressure of time, constantly working flat out.

• They are highly competitive and will, if necessary create competition.

• They hate failure and will work hard to avoid it.

• They are generally pretty fit and often well-educated (a result of their anxiety).

Type B- The Type B personality generally lives at a lower stress level and are typically:

• They work steadily, enjoying achievements but not becoming stressed when they are not achieved.

• When faced with competition, they do not mind losing and either enjoy the game or back down.

• They may be creative and enjoy exploring ideas and concepts.

• They are often reflective, thinking about the outer and inner worlds.

Click here to take this test

I remember taking this test in high school. It showed me to be about 50-50, but leaning more toward Type B personality. This time, it showed a dominance for type A personality. Lucas thinks the change could be because of my high paced university studies on the fast graduate program, and also to work with his Type A personality. If you compare the traits of a Type A personality to a Red personality, you find a lot of similarities. Red is likely to increase in individuals as they gain responsibilities which I think is also a possible explanation for the increase in my Type A personality.

Lucas had also taken this test before and he had a very similar result.

Big 5 Personality

The Big Five are five broad factors (dimensions) of personality traits as described below:

Extraversion- (sometimes called Surgency). The broad dimension of Extraversion encompasses such more specific traits as talkative, energetic, and assertive.

Agreeableness- Includes traits like sympathetic, kind, and affectionate.

Conscientiousness- Includes traits like organized, thorough, and planful.

Neuroticism- (sometimes reversed and called Emotional Stability). Includes traits like tense, moody, and anxious.

Openness to Experience- (sometimes called Intellect or Intellect/Imagination). Includes traits like having wide interests, and being imaginative and insightful.
Click here to take this test

I hate it when this test hit the nail on the head with some of these traits, like openness. One of my very worst traits is my inability to open up. When I'm hurt or upset, I'm like a bomb ready to explode. I shut down and let the feelings fester. Lucas is the best for me because he has learned how to pry and help me express my feelings. Often that process is like pulling teeth, but I'm sure glad he puts forth the effort to do it.
You'll notice the biggest difference is extraversion. I am so glad I married an extrovert. He's such a pleasant person for others to be around and I don't have to try and show him off because he shows himself off for me, and he likes showing me off too.

Myers-Briggs

Personality as defined by Myers and Briggs assumes that much of our personality can be defined by dividing it into four independent preference scales: energizing, attending, deciding, and living.  Within each scale we have a preference for one of two opposites that define the scale. This makes for a total of 16 different combinations, each of which defines one particular and unique personality archetype. The four scales are as follows:
Energizing- How a person is energized
Attending- What a person pays attention to
Deciding- How a person decides
Living- Lifestyle a person prefers
Following are the preferences for each of the four scales:
Extroversion (E) - Prefers drawing energy from the outside world of people, activities or things.
Introversion (I) - Prefers drawing energy from one's internal world of ideas, emotions, or impressions.
Sensing (S) - Prefers using the senses to notice what is real.
Intuition (N) - Prefers using the imagination to envision what is possible - to look beyond the five senses. Jung calls this "unconscious perceiving".
Thinking (T) - Prefers organizing and structuring information to decide in a logical, objective way.
Feeling (F) - Prefers organizing and structuring information to decide in a personal, value-oriented way.
Judgment (J) - Prefers living a planned and organized life.
Perception (P) - Prefers living a spontaneous and flexible life.
Click here to take this test

Myers Briggs also classifies us with names that we googled to learn more about ourselves
Lucas: ENFP (Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeler, Perceiver)
Mary: ENTJ (Extrovert, Intuitive, Thinker, Judger)
This test was the first personality test we took after getting married. We were somewhat surprised by the results, but as we read summaries we realized that our personality match fit us perfectly like a glove. After reading some of the more negative traits accompanied with our results, we wondered about our compatibility and found this article that lead us to believe we are very compatible. This is test that does a fairly accurate assessment and I recommend it.

Personality DNA

This chart shows thirteen personality traits. These indicates how Mary and Lucas compare to other users. For example, Lucas rates 85 on Spontaneity, this means that 85% of the people scored lower than him. This is based on your responses compared to a sample of 3200 test takers.
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Personality DNA describes our combination of personality traits as:

    Lucas: Benevolent Inventor

    Mary: Dynamic Leader

The results also made us chuckle because early in our relationship, We read a book talking about marriage relationships. One part talked about common masculine traits and common feminine traits. We laughed as we discovered that I fit the masculine description much better than the feminine and he fit the feminine. We even used that to tease each other. This test reaffirmed that I am more masculine than Lucas.

Right Brained vs. Left Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. 

The right side of your brain is about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.
Click here to take this test

Lucas' first comment was "Shoot! Our brains work totally different." I expected a further comment of, "How will I ever understand you?" but maybe he just thought it. Our results show that we're almost perfect opposites, so theoretically, he is everything that I am not and we complete each other.
Today, Lucas made us dinner. I watched as he put enchilada sauce, peppers, green beans, and vinegar into our potato-beef stew. I honestly thought the stew would be disgusting. Flying from the seat of his pants and using his right-brained creativity, Lucas did a fantastic job! It was actually a delicious stew. I even told him to write the recipe for next time. He also is grateful for my strong logic to help him make decisions.

Conclusion

This activity showed us the following:
1. What makes us feel loved
2. What motivates us
3. How tightly we are strung for stress and performance levels
4. Broad factors of personality traits
5. How we make decisions
6. Defined personality factors and description
7. How we use our brains (right-creative, left- logical).
All together, we will be together for the long haul. The better we can get to know each other and work together now, the smoother the ride will be. We believe in a love that has no end, that it can endlessly grow, and that everyone who claims love must place their significant other first. These studies and findings are valid to help a couple grow in understanding. We are beginning this trail and have a lot to learn, but we wish you luck in your love journey!

P.S. We finally sent our thank you notes yesterday.

Lucas Handy