Finding The One

Finding the One

It has been a year since we were engaged. If you are single now, I prepared this for you. My decade of life before marriage had times of loneliness, and times when life was full. When I finally stopped worrying about marriage, life seemed to get better. I accepted the worst case scenario... never finding the one. Then decided if I never found the one, I would return to Mozambique, start an orphanage, and they could be my family. Accepting the worst case scenario and doing my part helped me to enjoy life more. These Nevers helped me to select my wife and who has made me very happy.

• Never Stop Preparing
• Never Give up 
• Never Settle 
• Never Quit Searching
• Never Let Others Decide  

Never Stop Preparing

Prepare by becoming and looking your best. As I gazed upon Mary our third date. She was sitting across from me on the bow of the boat in her swim suit. Once again the hormones raged, and for a split second I would give anything to be with this lovely girl. Hormones are powerful influencers, but intelligence is the best choice. I had felt this same hormonal drive before, and knew better than to act solely on it. Soon I relaxed and was satisfied that Mary passed my first need, attraction. Not only did she look good, but she was graduating a year early from high school against everyone's recommendations.

Remember the power of appearance and physical attraction. I am sure Mary would have not been interested in me if I had left my appearance sag with pounds, poor personal hygiene, or poor health choices. Make a plan now to look and feel your best. In fact, kill two birds with one stone, and plan your next date around some recreational activity. Our first summer together was filled with wake boarding, surfing, swimming, paddle-boarding, kayaking, biking, hiking, bridge jumping, roller blading, and dancing.

Harness the power of becoming. Mary left me curious near the start of our courtship. Nobody had encouraged her to graduate early. Instead, she had decided completely on her own. Similarly, Mary liked that I had finished graduate school. Acts, such as these, show a mind of determination. Think of all your interests and goals. Act now to become skilled, talented, and educated. Invest in yourself to become something. This will not only help you and your spouse, but it will help those around you who will follow in your footsteps. This is not limited to temporal things. If a person is religious, there love of God often reflects their ability to love. Do you have charity? Are you selfless? Do you love your neighbor? How good are you at forgiving others? Dedicate your life to some of these true principles, and you will become a better lover. Irregardless of what you think, you become something. Decide today to become the best potential companion.

Never Give Up

While single, I attended the wedding reception of sweet Ms. Chandler. She was one of my favorite teachers. She taught both my sunday school class and my high school Honors English class. While nearing retirement, she finally was married to the Mayor of Declo, Idaho (Mary's relative). To me, her celebration was unforgettably beautiful. She had been true to this man for all of her life without even knowing him. Her example helped me never lose hope.

Entertaining Ourselves through yawns

 One summer break, I said goodbye to a girl that I was dating and by the end of the summer she met and married another. They knew quickly, like turning a light switch on in a dark room that they were right for each other. This never happened for me. I dated girls almost weekly since 2004. I did not ever feel like I could marry anyone in three months. Even while dating Mary, we almost gave up on each other several times. It took 16 months of steady dating before I felt solid about us. Like the sunrise, the answer to marry Mary was slow. With the current high divorce rate, wait until the light is bright before getting married. Wait until you know in your heart and your mind that this is the person you want and should be with forever. 

Never Settle

I added this section with a precious moment during courtship, and my insights to true love. This moment was a light to my understanding. While we were sitting at my grandparents kitchen table in their old sears catalogue home preparing for lunch, it was quiet. After blessing the food, I thought of the thousands of lunches my grandparents had enjoyed together at that table. I looked at Mary and wondered if we could do the same. An impression came to me and I was speechless, but my heart was full. At that moment, I knew that Mary and I could be happy together. However, by the end of the day I had talked myself into believing the feeling came to help me know that I should marry a good woman. Impressions like this one will come if you are prepared. I needed several of these experiences because I was hung up for a time with our age difference, and frequently analyzed every aspect of each other and our relationship. As we continued Mary and I became more in love, and I honestly wanted to be with her.

Courting is a step into the dark. You don't really know that person, and people change. Like the sunrise, as you get to know each other better you will have experiences that will help you decide. While courting, I did not know that I should marry Mary. When I finally made this decision to marry, and we were engaged, I still did not know perfectly if this was the right thing. I was obsessed about making the best decision the right way. However, during our engagement most of the doubts left. An hour before we married, the light of the sun felt like it was over my head with my understanding. I knew that I was about to make the best decision that I would ever make in this life. I knew that the choice I had made was awesome. Of course, we will have trials, but I felt like I was supposed to marry Mary. This understanding came because I had prepared for it, never gave up, and never settled. It has already brought me more joy than any other decision I have ever made.

After almost a decade of searching, and a year and a half of dating Mary, we were married. Before then, there were a few experiences where I felt good enough to move forward with our relationship. My previous experiences in dating and friendships also helped me to find the right mate.

 Similar experiences will happen to you if you prepare. With the divorce rates higher than ever, we all should seriously seek. When anything is substituted for the actual divine sharing of the powers of procreation in marriage (i.e. cohabitation, pornography), one is selling themselves short. It is like buying milk for a thousand dollars a gallon, but the milk is fake. It won't satisfy the fundamental needs of life. When marriage is done right, it is the greatest thing that ever happens! Never settle for less.

Never Quit Searching

3 Years in a row

Before marriage, there are lots of opportunities to get to know potential friends and spouses. I always looked for girls with my standards. While studying at BYUI and BYU, there were hundreds of young ladies that fulfilled these basic standards. Hence, I found it a challenge to find the best match. Eventually, my goal was to help myself and those I dated to find their best match. Thinking in this fashion helped me ease the pain when someone close moved on. Until you and your significant other both know you have found your best match, continue developing positive relationships with those who could be the best match. Frequently, I returned to dating someone I had previously dated because my purpose was to help everyone find their best match, and I wasn't always quite sure. Keeping this goal in mind will help your relationships.

I made no hasty decisions while dating Mary. Last October, I felt Mary's heart pulling away. She told me that I would never marry her and said I was nothing but talk because we had been dating for so long. At that time, I was confident that Mary was my best match. Little did she know that I had been trying to fester the courage and understanding to propose. I had an engagement ring from the Grande Bazar in Istanbul since July, and had been carrying it in my pocket whenever she was near. Now I knew that I must do something if I really wanted Mary. I pulled the ring from my pocket and placed it on her finger. Her tears of sadness transferred  to tears of joy. A couple of weeks later I re-proposed in a more romantic setting at Riverside Park along the Snake River.

It is a miracle that any two people get married, share everything, and are as happy as I am now. Keep the goal to finding your best potential companion until you are married. Never give up, and Never Settle before then. After you are married, the goal changes to becoming the best possible companion.

Never Let Others Decide 

Pick your Own Path

When you understand the serious nature of marriage, and know of the many responsibilities of marriage then you understand that you are the one that is the most accountable for this decision. Your life will change drastically in marriage. It will make your life great or miserable depending on how well you decide. Some listen to what others say, others think it completely through and make their own decision, and others just let life run its course and react accordingly.... Except for the inspiration that I received from a loving Father in Heaven, this decision was my own.

The greatest decision of my life has been marriage. My world has shifted to our world. My family has changed to Mary. My focuses, goals, and priorities are all advancing with my wife. I still love my friends and family and occasionally miss them.  However, to finally have my wife has filled a part of my heart that was empty for a long time.

 You are fully accountable for this decision, so don't let others determine your destiny. Never Stop Preparing, Never Give Up, Never Settle, Never Quit Searching, and Never Let Other Decide. Hopefully this will help you become the person that you ought to become, and find the spouse that will fulfill all of your childhood dreams! Take Care, and Good Luck!